As for the Transformers themselves, well, the movie was everything a Transformers fan could hope for (I suppose). Considering the opening credits began with “Presented by Paramount Pictures and Dreamworks Productions” and then “Hasbro Toys” I found it hard not to burst into fits of laughter, but considering I was surrounded by a group of men that looked like they could tear the heart out of a deer while it was still alive I did my best to stifle all of my natural reactions.

There was a brief prologue to the story for novices like myself that would have probably been best left out because it buzzed by so quickly and was so complicated with its extraterrestrial visuals literally swirling around in circles while we were fed a voiceover explaining the history of the Transformers, with the “good” Autobots and the “evil” Decepticons (with a name like that how could they not be evil? Then there was some blah, blah about the Allspark, a cube that looked like that thing from the Hellraiser movies that opens the doors to Hades and frees the wicked Pinhead; either that, or it could be a gigantic Borg cube that houses a colony of thousands of Borg drones like in Star Trek: First Contact coming to destroy earth and assimilate the population. Sorry, but there weren’t any pictures of the thing except of it floating alone in space, so it was impossible to tell how big it was. The problem is the sci fi hokum already seems so familiar that it is distracting. I was glad when the action switched to earth, where the all-important cube apparently landed a hundred years ago after