Movie reviews: The Transformers (2007) – Part 52

I left the theatre with the vague feeling that this movie sucked, but I’m too busy brain-hemorrhaging to notice.

This movie is what 300 should have been: gratuitous special effects without attempting to intertwine plot or politics. The love story is literally left in the dust, resurfacing every half hour with a slow-motion shot of hands reaching toward one another through the rubble, as if the editor stumbled across the footage on the cutting room floor and thought to himself, “Oh, yeah. Now I remember.”

The film relies heavily on suspension of disbelief – we are spoon-fed a horrible voice-over narrative in the first two minutes of the film, explaining a story so cheesy I wish I had opted for nachos. The tale seems to take place sometime in the future, as the technology used both at government facilities and at home far outstrip what is available to us now.

The viewer is not allowed to ask questions like “how is a 30 foot tall robot with reconfigurable limbs supposed to fold up nicely into a luxury sedan” or “how does one not notice five of these things having a disco dance night in their back yard.” Luckily, there is little down time in which to wonder anything at all.

It’s true that the special effects are amazing, although I would have asked for less hack-and-slash editing during the action scenes, as it was neigh impossible to tell what was going on amidst the constant shower of debris. One can’t help but wonder if all this is hiding the lack of choreography between these battling behemoths. Unless you’re a childhood fan, don’t expect to ever know which side is winning.

As far as action is concerned, there is no shortage. The entire film is paced like it’s trailer – edge of your seat, with little dialogue and few interludes. Which is to the benefit of both film and viewer, as each time one of the Transformers opened their mouths I found myself both cringing and laughing in pain. The lines seem as if they have all been translated from the original Japanese cartoon, and all delivered in the same stalwart, pseudo-heroic manner.

None of the Autobots seem to develop much as characters: most of them play no part at all as far as plot is concerned. There is a “black” bot named Jazz who uses such eloquent phrases as “what’s up, little bitches” and proves that even when they’re robots, the African American will still be killed first.

Visually, aside from the special effects, there are enough lens flares to put Punch Drunk Love to shame, and many shots are too blown out to bear. In what is a trait of director Bay’s modern era films, product placement is huge. In one scene alone we are bombarded with images of Cadillac, Mountain Dew and Nokia.

On the downside, this film makes no sense. At best the plot is laughable, at worst it is predictable. On the upside, this film is good old-fashioned fun. I left with the urge to shoot something or shout “autobots, assemble!” And I, for one, did not feel as if two and a half hours had passed.

Remembering the 80s cartoons

Remembering the 80’s Cartoon.

Remember when on Saturday morning how you would plop down in front of the tube for the cartoons. As a boy, G.I Joe’s or The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I would carry Donatello’s sword while watching the show and Imitate his every move. I remember my favorite show, the transformers, coming on at 8am. Transformers was better then any soap opera. Every week was something different. Sometimes the good guy one while sometimes the bad guy one. You basic action show in the 80’s featured the classic battle between good and evil. You could learn your child hood morals from Sergeant Slaughter during the commercial break of G.I. Joe. Optimus Prime preached about living the American way of life. All of the shows had the same basic themes. Honor, loyalty and love. No wonder the 80’s generation is the last great generation. Kids today are learning nothing from what they watch today. The games they play today or full of grotesque violence. I know in the 80’s we did have Atari and Nintendo. However, even in the War games of Nintendo there were no arms being hacked off or brains being blown out. It seems with the advancement of technology came the lack of morals taught on the tube. I guess the government didn’t want to step in. I understand you have to let the free market flow and grow at will. However, the violence has gotten out of control. Even worse, the influence of this violence in games has already made an impact on children in today’s society. Even worse, the cartoons children are accustomed to watch today have no moral teachings. At most you might learn the alphabet from sesame street. Not to say that this is bad, but kids don’t just pay attention to arithmetic on T.V. Cartoons for young teens are almost unheard of anymore. You might find a rebirth of shows like the turtles and transformers but nothing like what my generation is accustomed to.

With all of the trash that hit’s the airwaves these days, I yearn for an old cartoon. On the radio you have oldies 98, why not the 80’s cartoon channel. If it were a premium I would take it over any other. Somebody get Ted Turner on the line and remind him that preaching the American dream in cartoons should not be just another marketing scheme but a standard sub plot of any story. I guess I should just stop preaching to the choir. Thank you Optimus, Leonardo, Egon and Ray. Thank you Lionel, Splinter and even the evil shredder. Thank you for all of the great childhood memories. Thank you Howie Mandell for Bobby’s World. Thank You Snoopy and Charlie Brown for making me laugh after a rough day at school. Thank you to all the creators of the 80’s cartoons. You made my childhood much easier to deal with.

Movie reviews: The Transformers (2007) – Part 29

Transformers have been my cartoon favorite when I was a kid. Hence, I was so amazed watching them realistically in this new movie. Thanks to the advancement of the graphics and the sound effects. This movie is definitely unachievable without these stuffs!

Although there were some changes in terms with the story of the cartoon versus that of the movie,still, the sequence of events brought my mouth fully wide open. With Bumblebee as a Chevrolet Camaro rather than the cartoon’s Volkswagen Beetle, his new image portrays a much more detailed, robust and fashionably sound robot. How I reminisce Optimus Prime the cartoon versus this realistic Optimus Prime the movie. Seeing him “real” sealed my childhood imagination on how he would looked like in the real world. As regards with Magnetron’s image, several items have been changed.In particular, his transformation from robot to a fighter plane. He was a gun upon transformation in the cartoon series. But this change somewhat provided a much more reasonable logic as compared to a gun soaring up in the sky!

As a whole, the movie was a success! It helped me in reminiscing my childhood days. It enlightened the new kids in the block about the stuffs that their seniors once enjoyed in their childhood.

Before PlayStation: The toys I grew up with

In no particular order…

Transformers

“Robots in disguise”. I remember when toys were made of metal. They had sharp pointy bits that could take an eye out and were built to last millenia. Transformers were such toys. The cartoon series was one of the first created to sell the inevitable toys that would follow but when the toys were so damn good I truly did not care. I had Optimus Prime, a large metal truck that converted into a robot as well as its back end becoming a base a small buggy came out of. I also had Jazz, a racing car and Starscream, an evil Decepticon fighter plane that could easily have been used as a lethal weapon. Each toy was die cast metal and would surely be banned in the plastic world that toys seem to exist in today. I loved them though and the new release are flimsy and cheap in comparison.

He-Man and Castle Gray skull

He-Man was perhaps the campest cartoon on television. This leather-clad, blond-haired warrior was every child’s hero as boys wanted to be him while girls had a secret crush on him I think this was the first toy I actually asked Father Christmas for and was ecstatic to receive. Castle Gray skull was a big plastic castle which opened up and had traps for the evil Skeletor and his minions as well as a working drawbridge. I was very excited at the time and would spend hours reconstructing battles from the cartoon. The figures all had one spring operated action whether it be the He-Man’s weird snake hips or the hilariously named Fisto with hammering fist action. The entertainment value was virtually endless.

The Millennium Falcon

None of this new fangled Star Wars/Transformers crossover nonsense. I had the original 1980’s Millennium Falcon and was the envy of all my friends. It was an absolutely massive piece of toy genius with a gun turret for Chewbacca to sit in, satellite dish, secret panels it truly was the dog’s wotsits. We would endlessly have battles with this and my mates AT-AT walker and it never became dull and of course when on your own you could pretend the bath was the trench from the “Empire Strikes Back”!

Monopoly

What other game turns a relatively reasonable family into a bunch of angry lunatics who argue the finer points of bankruptcy and re-mortgaging to the point of divorce and adoption! Every household has it’s own variation on the rules making it an impossibility for any visitors to play and win and it is one of those games that never seems to end. It amazes me that an eight-year-old can suddenly

Movie reviews: The Transformers (2007) – Part 34

This movie rose way above my expectations. Being a fan of the original cartoon from the 80’s, I was a bit skeptical on the quality of the movie, and how well it would be portrayed. Too many times have I gone to see movies portraying comic book/cartoons only to come out rather irritated at the 9 bucks and 2 hours wasted on it. It seems like these kinds of movies are overdone and oversold with the sole purpose on making money based on the hype.

Despite all this, Transformers captured my (as well as the entire audience’s) attention. First of all, the acting, namely from Shia Labouf, was superb. His role as Sam could not have been cast better. The underlying comedic aspect of the movie involving his relationship with a girl, as well as the Transformers, did not deter for even a second from the genius action and edge-of-your-seat thrills throughout the entire show. There is no surprise at the love of these characters, and the fact that Optimus Prime got a round of excited applause at his entrance. The special effects were tailored very well and did not overpower the dialogue or plotline at all. There weren’t so many explosions and camera angle changes that your brain was slow to keep up. It’s a well balance mix of comedy, drama, friendship, action, and old fashioned good guy vs. bad guy action.

Judging from the standing ovation the movie got at its closure, I don’t think many people (if any) were disappointed in this rendition of a beloved classic.

Movie reviews: The Transformers (2007) – Part 36

Like any person from my generation, I got a little excited about the Transformers film coming to theaters. I had my own sweet collection once, spending afternoons in my room pitting Optimus Prime against my G.I. Joes, turning my bedspread into whatever my imagination could create. Everyone loves nostalgia, and I am no different. However, I was skeptical. Michael Bay does not make great movies. He’s the kind of filmmaker who has built his career assuming that action and effects come before story. And for me, this is a lousy way to make movies. It insults the intelligence of your audience. So, I wondered what this film would be like.

Transformers is better than most Michael Bay affairs. The effects are immense, as is the colossal amount of sound. When the vehicles change into the robot identities, it is remarkable and impressive. What made this film better than others, though, is that the main character (played by Shia LaBoeuf) is affable. There is plenty of humour, teenage hormones, awkwardness etc. all mixed in with the action, which makes for good entertainment. Not great, but good.

I think the film was too long. There were plenty of scenes where my mind wandered. And when a film lulls like this, I start looking for problems. And with all the funny moments, there are some bloody awful ones too. Cheap, generic dialogue, especially in the latter half, useless characters, improbable scenarios etc. They’re all there. And yes, I am well aware that we are supposed to suspend our disbelief when we watch these kinds of movies. I try to, but sometimes there has to be consistency too. And when army personnel pull a fully loaded shotgun from a historic display case, all I can do is laugh.

So, as far as bang for your buck is concerned, this film delivers. Most of us will be content to sit through the “eye-rolling” stuff and just ride the assault on our senses. I give this film 7.5 out of 10.

Movie reviews: The Transformers (2007) – Part 33

After reading most of the articles that have already been posted I see there is a certain bias going into each opinion. This will be the 27th review posted on Helium, so I’m sure whoever is reading this one may be sick of the fans’ postings on this topic, and may not even pay attention to what I have to say. That being said I can admit that this movie is entertaining with its intricate, detailed and very well done fight scenes and special effects, but that brilliance is detracted by corny lines from (whom I like to dub the “motivational speaker”) Optimus Prime, and the cheesy “love story” between the geek and the beautiful prom queen (obviously brought in for eye candy, which, yes, worked on me).

Personally, on a critical standpoint, there were huge ups and downs in the movie, however, I can say I was more up during the movie since I wasn’t expecting any kind of acting masterpiece to begin with. I was pleasantly surprised by the comedy of the movie (I won’t give away any specific scenes), yet disappointed with how unbelievably cheesy some of the lines got. So I have come to the conclusion that this was a movie aimed at gaining the respect of the hardcore Transformer fans (I am one myself from back in the day to the present who still has a couple action figures at my parents’ house), yet appealing to the younger generation to create a new fan base of a timeless idea of robots that transform into the coolest machinery mankind can come up with. I mean really, who wouldn’t be intrigued by a fighter jet that would put the movie Top Gun to shame with it being able to transform in and out of it’s jet/robot hybrid constantly while taking out supremely skilled air force pilots with incredible ease?

Of course this is just the ramblings of an individual who can appreciate the developments and improvements of special effects over the years, and be wowed by the latest masterpiece of cinematography enough to overlook the lack of great acting and prevalence of pretty lame lines. When it comes to acting and story-lines, this is definitely not going to garner anywhere near an Oscar-worthy nomination. However I can say, for a “summer blockbuster” most people just looking for entertainment will not be disappointed. You won’t want to leave your seat halfway through, and you will be impressed by the special effects that were the main part of the advertising. You won’t be “duped” into giving up hard earned cash to see a terribly boring and idiotic movie. You will be able to sit down, watch a visually entertaining and impressive movie, and as long as you understand this isn’t an immensely deep movie, be able to enjoy the story-line that unfolds and even start to try to predict the plot of the sequel.

Good entertainment with sub-par acting: 3 out of 5

(I’ve never really had a rating scheme on movies but hey, it’s a start)

The 5 Best Fictional Lorries

The world of haulage and lorry driving has never been seen as the most glamorous, despite there being some truly memorable lorries in the world of film and television. Here are 5 of my favourites…

5. Mack (Cars)

No doubt “Cars” was one of Disney-Pixar’s more forgettable animated films, but Mack – a 1980s Superliner who transports Lighting McQueen in the film – just about sneaks into the list for being voiced by the legendary John Ratzenberger.

Ratzenberger, who played the longwinded mailman Cliff Clavin on Cheers, has appeared in all the Pixar animated films and is considered something of a good luck charm for the studio. They mocked this in the closing credits for Cars, when Mack the lorry watches car-themed versions of Pixar Movies praising Ratzenberger’s characters in ever one – until he realises they’re all played by the same actor: “What kind of a cut rate production is this? They’re just using the same actor over and over again!”

4. Creeper’s Truck (Jeepers Creepers

Jeepers Creepers, the 2001 horror film, had a truly memorable truck in it, though more memorable for the lorry driver: the Creeper himself. Driving an armoured lorry, the creeper turns out to be an ancient demon that rises every 23rd spring for 23 days to feast on humans to form part of its own body. Despite being made up of bits of dead bodies, our villain is rather handy with his 1941 Chevy COE which he uses to transport the bodies of his victims. Nice!

3. Rhino (MASK)

M.A.S.K, for the uninitiated, was a 1980s kids’ cartoon series and best described as a hybrid of Transformers and G.I. Joe. In total 75 episodes were created between 1985 and 1986. The relevance to this list? Rhino – surely one of the finest lorries ever to grace our television sets. This lorry was piloted by Bruce Sato, Alex Sector and Matt Tracker at various points in the show and was armed with anti-gravity cannons, a battering ram, a missile launcher and a separate little car that could slip out of the back.

Aside from its awesome vehicles and 80s vibe, MASK is most memorable now for its contrived use of acronyms. The good guys were M.A.S.K – which stood for Mobile Armored Strike Kommand, while the baddies organisation (such as it was!) was known as V.E.N.O.M – Vicious Evil Network of Mayhem.

2. Snowman’s Truck (Smokey and the Bandit)

You can’t have a list of excellent lorry drivers without referring to 1977’s Smokey and the Bandit. The classic tale tells of rich Texans offering Bo “Bandit” Darville (Burt Reynolds) $80,000 to haul 400 cases of Coors beer from Texarkana, Texas to the Southern Classic stock car race in Georgia in 28 hours. A contrived plot sees plenty of action looking to sabotage the plans but despite this, Bandit and his accomplice Cledus “Snowman” Snow (Jerry Reed) manage to get the cargo safely to its destination in Snowman’s Kenworth W900.

Nowadays with the improved road network, managing the journey in 28 hours would be a cinch. In those days however, it would have been very impressive for a lorry driver and well worthy of the $80,000 bounty (which would translate to roughly $270,000 in today’s money – and would neatly negate the need for a money-spinning backload!)

1. Optimus Prime (Transformers)

As if there was any doubt, Optimus Prime is of course THE most memorable lorry. Because he’s not just any old lorry – he’s a robot in disguise! Leader of the Autobots, and without a doubt the best known character from Transformers, he was equipped with everything a robot in disguise would need, including a lazer rifle, various additional weapons in the trailer, a radio antenna for battlefield communication and a mobile scout buggy for reconnaissance – perfect for delivering backloads, should he have time in his busy schedule. Many people who remember Optimus Prime for his deep booming voice should look away now when I reveal that Peter Cullen, the man who voiced him, was also responsible for the voice of Eeyore in Winnie the Pooh!

Movie reviews: The Transformers (2007) – Part 41

I would say that the Transformers movie is a great leap in demonstrating how the movie-makers “wow” its audiences by bringing life into robots and reality, rather than relying on animations. This also proves with the recent advancement in technologies nowadays, any scientific / fiction can be filmed in reality scenarios, rather than just plain drawings on papers that has been animated.

I liked the way that this movie brings out the characteristics of each autobots in a clear and distinctively manner, and with certain charisma and charm that captivate my attention as well as many audiences in the movie theater. Bumblebee is definitely the star to gain empathy and liking from the audiences.

However, the movie seemed out of balance as the emphasis is just on the heroes (autobots) of the movies. The movie lacks in portraying and showing really how despicable, down and dirty the Evil decepticons can be like in the comics or in the cartoons.

The main reason for me to favor the Autobots for many years over the Decepticons seemed to be missing. After the movie and upon self-reflection, I just cannot related myself to or to support the idea to really hate and believe that the Decepticons need to be destroyed. The story plot seemed like any old and stale story plot whereby the “bad guys” just co-exists with the “good guys” so that they destroyed by the end of the movie.

On the whole, I will still recommend this movie to all my friends for the special effects, the props, and “bumblebee” in Transformer.

Movie reviews: The Transformers (2007) – Part 40

TRANSFORM YOUR IMAGINATION.

I walked into the movie theater with my two step-nephews (8 & 9) with the presumption that this movie might have a lot of extreme carnage in it like Spielberg’s last movie that I saw, The War of the Worlds. However, these toys of my youth had transformed themselves into movie stars of my nephew’s youth and I couldn’t resist delving myself into a night of fun with my two hang arounds.

This movie’s content was very smartly crafted by way of remembering who the general audience’s were going to be. It has childish humor, Bumblebee (the Camero) ‘draining’ his fluids on a S7 G-guy. There is enough teenage humor in it, performed by Shia Labeouf, that it reminded me of my younger dating days – if only I had Bumblebee back in those days! And, since it can be classified as a war movie in a variety of ways, it has it’s adult, story behind the story theme.

For instance, “Their War, Our World”, can easily be translated into our, the U.S.’s, war on terror in Iraq. The Autobots are the coalition forces, the Deceptocons are al Quaida, and the USAF soldiers are the Iraqis who are fighting in concert with the coalition forces. There is more to this story than meets the eye, but I’m going to refrain from making this into a political bruhaha.

And that was one of the things that I liked about this movie. It was packed with action, special effects, storyline, acting – and it rolled it all into a way that each age group would be able to enjoy it at their own level.

Now, there is truly no critic like a child critic. I took both of these guys to see Spiderman 3 and not much was said after the movie. However, before we could even walk out of that movie theater it was a complete night and day because every single thing they saw they imagined it would transform into some kind of robot. The soda fountain machine, cars in the parking lot, the stop sign, the stop light, motorcycles, and on and on. The younger of the two asked me what would happen if a house transformed to which I replied that we already have those – they’re called mobile homes. But, by far my personal favorite was also the younger’s imagination at work while at Taco Bell, “What if the cash machine transformed and gave us all money!” If you can capture a child’s imagination like that, then you know this will be a mainstay form of entertainment for years to come.

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